Go on F*^k up…and start again, dare you

Do you ever wish you could go back? Do it over, do it better. Have the guts to follow your heart and grab life by the balls.

To realise that screwing up is far preferable to being afraid to. That even those who love you most will never know you quite like you do and that sometimes you have to block them out.

Have you ever looked back and seen things clearly in a way only hindsight can do. Realised that you wasted so much time and energy on people and things that really aren’t all that important after all.

And then be struck with the thought that maybe you can do it over. Do it better.

“Sometimes you need to put your backbone where your wishbone is” ~ Eat,Pray,Love

Here’s to my 50th post! 🙂 Thank You sooo much to everyone who has followed, commented, inspired , charmed and never failed to make me laugh 🙂

Voices in my Head

Today’s expectations … Chill out, drink endless cups of tea, write loads.

Today’s reality…..Out of milk, Stewie’s voice stuck in my head all day!

Enjoy 🙂

No More Resolutions

I’m not going to make resolutions. Daily runs and five vegetables aren’t fitting into life just yet. That’s okay. I run for the bus enough to compensate for the chocolate binges. Good intentions to go spinning are going to fall through the rungs anyway, so a few less drinks and some more time on the dance floor on nights out. Looking ridiculous doing the robot with the girls will always beat waking up to the inbox of shame.

I’m not resolving to be a better person. I’m not so bad and I’ll figure out the kinks along the way, through life and not some random declaration.

I’m not making resolutions. I’m going to do and not say I will. I’m never going to take the freedom that my age has granted me for granted. I’m old enough to know better but young enough to pull it off anyway. I’m free to stay up all night because I just can’t drop that book, because showers with him at 3am beat sleep any day or because I simply feel like sipping tea and watching the moon.

I’m not going to vow to get more sleep. I won’t fondly look back on early nights. Because coffee can still pull me through that last minute assignment, because I’d rather ride on the wings of pressure and exhaustion, knowing I crammed in that hour doing nothing with friends. Because work is still a means to pay for rent and shoes, merely a necessary chore and not yet a career that needs nurturing and protecting. To yawn is to know it was worth it.

I’m not making resolutions. I’m not striving to reach maturity. Because the responsibility of caring for other people has yet to be put on my shoulders. Because if  ever the opportunity for selfishness is ripe it’s now. Because to be selfless you have to have something to give. To be a good mother I want to have lived first. I want to screw up,  to find out what I love and fight for it. To know that I will one day be able to turn around and say I was completely ready for this stage of my life. To know I found out who I was before I undertook any other label.

I’m not making resolutions. I’m not budgeting every penny nor saving for a rainy day. I’m using my money to help me achieve what I want most. I’m not going to let money make my world go around,because it’s still my world only. Because life is too short not to have dessert and because it’s okay to share pasta with your house mate everyday for a week.

I’m not making resolutions about life this year, I’m just resolving to live it.

To Sleep

Senses inexplicably dulled yet heightened

Thoughts pulling through a heavy fog

Fighting to retain clarity

An overwhelming desire to give in

To surrender to the weight of each eyelid

The dull ache looming

The last reserves of energy seeped from the day

The fragility that accompanies exhaustion

The light too brash for the senses

Darkness soft and comforting

Blissfully falling into forgotten dreams

Floating peacefully

Equilibrium gently rebalancing

Soon ready to launch into another day

Heartbeats

When I was little love meant Prince Charming sweeping in on his gallant horse, everything would be perfect and I would live happily ever after….Disney has a whole lot to answer for.

Prince Charming doesn’t exist and to be perfectly honest if he did I’d be bored in a week. Who wants the perfect guy. I am so far from perfect you would have to squint and run back a few steps to see any kind of Disney princess. Even then my hair would still defy gravity in the morning….

Lust is easy, love not so much. Realising the difference, now that’s a skill worth developing. I’ve been in love once. It hurt like hell but I wouldn’t take back a single second. It made me stronger, showed me my limits and gave me a glimpse of just how amazing life can be if you let go of the barriers and learn to move with the crazy beat.

Disney tells you they lived happily ever after, it conveniently omits the ridiculous fights, petty comments and the stubborn refusal to admit your wrong in a quest to be right.

It doesn’t quite capture the feeling of safety that overcomes you as you’re enveloped in their arms, the way your world can slow down and right itself, restoring your sense of balance from just lying with them and talking about nothing in particular, surrounded by the blanket of dark.

The best love stories show us what it is to fight for the person who has your heart, the real ones show you that sometimes you need to summon the courage to let go. To realise that life doesn’t always accommodate the quickening of your heartbeat.

I refuse to love in order to be loved. I don’t need more people in my life. I have the most incredible friends who are more than willing to support me/read me the riot act and tough love my ass..whichever is required. My family may on occasion make me want to chew my own arm off but they are always always there no matter how many times I decide on a whim to change college course.

I’ve felt the unrelenting dull ache of heartbreak. I’ve experienced the dizzy feeling of falling. I’ve laughed until I cried and cried until I had to laugh and it’s worth it. If the right person comes along it’s worth every jumble of feelings that follows.

Prince Charming can keep on riding, because the one who can tug out a smile when I’m intent on being in a mood and is there for no other reason other than there’s nowhere else they would rather be, that person won’t need a flashy horse anyway.

I am happy, deliciously so. I don’t need someone to complete me. That doesn’t mean I’ll make the person who makes me want to smile when I’m tired and cranky lurk in the shadows.

Life is for living and I hope love never lets me forget that.

The pollen to her petal.

Dearest LilyPetal followers,

My name is Pádraig and I am Lily’s nearest and dearest friend.

OK, I lied. Not so much nearest and dearest – I only met her like 4 months ago at this stage… BUT she loves me… 😀

Also, just in case you think I’m some sort of maniac stalker or anything, this is not the case. I randomly ended up living with Lily through a friend of mine and we have hit it off better than one could possibly imagine! She is grumpy in the morning, tiny and lazy as hell, but that can all be forgiven due to the fact that she is always there to put a smile on one’s face (even if she’s in a bad mood herself), greets me everyday with a big sloppy one planted on my cheek whilst muttering her catch-phrase ‘Hello darling’ and wrapping her arms around me! As I said… she loves me – and I gotta admit, I’m just a tad bit fond of her too 😛

Ciao,

Pádraig. 🙂

The Joys of the Bikini Wax

“Why can’t I remember how much it hurt last time??”

“Er it probably wasn’t that bad! Be over before I know it!”

“Uh-oh..wax on….no going back now”

“Holy Mother &*^”! (*&%!!!!!!”

“Oh bloody hell make it stop! I’ll be a happy furrball! I don’t care!!”

“No stop please!…..oh you’re done?………Oh smooooth! :D”

Just to smile for a minute

It’s the little things ….it’s the smell of your mums perfume ingrained in your memory as far back as the memories begin……..the utter bliss of that first sip of wine, the coolness and sharpness of the fruit…….it’s opening one of your favourite books and falling back into another world with enchanting characters…….it’s flopping onto your bed after a hard days work, soothed with the satisfaction of knowing you deserve to lay there, and let your mind relax and unwind …..it’s sticky kisses from the little squirts , laughing until you want to stop but can’t, dancing like a goon just because……and the feeling of power when you save your toast seconds before the singe ….,….what is Happyness to you?? 🙂

~ The Twilight Zone ~

Those fairy dust moments as sleep lifts yet the blanket of comfort remains before the harshness of daylight prevails.

Where your body is fleetingly holding to the last tendrils of dreams.

Gradually aware of your surroundings the warmth of the sunlight dancing through the curtains.

The whispers of imagination mixing with humdrum of life softly coaxing and pulling you to the surface.

Those precious beats of time before the harshness of reality evades the sweet lull of sleep.

 

 

 

Friends without benefits

A good friend asks what you’re thinking. A best friend is already telling you it’s a bad idea.

It’s a question thats been thrown around since we were running around in nappies and shoving each other into mud. From the minute it started growing mine was a head of hair that grew up and out in mad curls and was kept short, the only notable difference between us was I had pink nappy tabs while his had blue. Twenty years later we are far more likely to be found strolling down the street laughing teasing and still partial to shoving each other into mud. Yes we are best friends, yes we are of the opposite sex and no there will never be any benefits involved.

About 6 months ago I hopped into a taxi on my way to the airport, although considering it was barely 6 in the morning hopped is probably a tad ambitious , still mentally pulling myself from my warm bed I exchanged the usual pleasantries with the taxi driver. In hindsight “are u busy today”  is probably not as fail-safe on a deserted early morning as on a Saturday night. I’m not entirely sure how it happened and my friends slag me for getting into these scenarios on a regular basis ( disclaimer . no matter what they might say I would not talk to the wall…no point it couldn’t laugh at my hilarious jokes ) but I ended up in a heated discussion with the guy on this very topic. To him if a guy and girl are best friends its for one of two reasons..the girl has the poor sod so firmly locked in the friend zone he cant manage to crawl his way out or they are both just biding there time before friendship becomes something more a la 50 thousand rom coms! God forbid they would both just rather grab a drink than a condom. Here’s the thing I genuinely liked this taxi driver although we spent majority of the ride arguing we both thoroughly enjoyed it…. According to Greg ( aka taxi guy) at some stage of our lives me and D would eventually look at each other as more than friends, it might be a subtle change in our relationship it might be one sided but sooner or later it was bound to happen.All thoughts of a quick nap flew out the window and I was in battle mode.

You know when your half leaning into the front seat yelling “shhh you’ve had your say my turn” and he laughs and pipes down….you’ve hit on a rare gem of a taxi driver.

He did have a point, clichés always stem from a truth and from the wise word of ‘When Harry met Sally’

“No man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.” –Harry

Some say benefits are inevitable.I disagree. Sure some of the best relationships stem from friendship but some friendships are just that. as a female ( and only human ) I’ve though about what it would be like to hook up with D but never without squirming slightly at the naked part. I’ve heard people compare different sex platonic relationships as loving the other like a Brother or Sister. I have an older brother I love him dearly but not in the way i love D.Sure I could sleep with him we get on great neither of us are too awful looking and there would be nothing creepy or incest like about it..I just don’t want to and I’m pretty sure the feeling is mutual . Have we acknowledged our relationship? Of course we have. On a drunken night in Coppers after far too many shots we decided that if it did ever happen we would be able to get past it and go back to friends ..we were both far too plastered to be anything but honest ( in my defence if your going to get absolutely blathered a nightclub with a big rugby guy looking out for you is an ideal location ) .

Have I occasionally imagined what D would be like as a boyfriend? Sure. He is one of the few guys in my life who has never let me down ( appalling laziness when it comes to texting back excluded ) and its usually when I’m licking my wounds from the some no gooder  that the idea of how awesome life with D could be makes an appearance…on the train to meet him suddenly excited at my epiphany and actually bothering to redo my make up picturing running into his arms…and then there he is with his arms around me and phut…zero chemistry zero attraction …….and deciding I’d actually rather just go for a drink with my best friend.